I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
