I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
