Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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