Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
