the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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