cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
