I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
