I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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