You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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