Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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