I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
