he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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