Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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