I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just gargled with NyQuil
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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