she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
