At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
