# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
