didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
