why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
At least life still wants to fuck me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
