I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He is an equal opportunity slut.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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