i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
