so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
did i walk over a car last night?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
