Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Enjoy the penises
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
