I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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