I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
