Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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