DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
