Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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