Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
