I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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