Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
