dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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