shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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