my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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