just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
