The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
