My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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