Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
