Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
