My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
