Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
be right there i have to get my cape
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
