the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
it wasn't lemon gatorade
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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