It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
