I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm like, not good at living.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
