Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
