Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
