wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
