Jerry, you need to find god
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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