Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Randomize
