So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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